Incredible facts
The Spanish psychologist believes that love does not live more than 5 years, so it is recommended to change partners after this period.
The issue of monogamy and polygamy, as well as the length of relationships, has always been a subject of controvers
Some couples live their whole lives together, while others can't last even a month. How do you think your relationship will stand the test of time?
According to the specialist, the ideal period of time for couples is no more than 5 years. After five years, we should change partners or simply break up with the current ones. And it's only going to be good for you.
How long does love live
© Georgerudy/Getty Images Pro
This is the conclusion reached by Spanish psychologist Rafael Santandreu in his book Las gafas de la felicidad.
He is a specialist who helps many people overcome self-esteem problems and develop emotional stability. While his approach may sound shocking, many people claim that he helped them cope with their fears and everyday challenges.
According to the psychologist, people are not made for monogamy, and staying with one person throughout life makes us irritable and unhappy. He considers monogamy to be one of the most absurd ideas of civilization that goes against our nature.
The specialist says that most of our serious problems and misunderstandings are related to monogamy.
By reconsidering how we think about relationships, we can change our lives forever. Of course, not everyone will like this idea. Many of us are too used to the standards set by our ancestors and parents.
Many people start their life together from the wrong base — they crave romantic love. But when looking for a life partner, we often become disappointed and lose faith in true love.
This raises another question: does love really last until death separates you? Or maybe every love we experience throughout our lives will be real? Many people are unable to answer these burning questions.
The Catalan psychologist believes that modern people misinterpret the concept of “love”. Purely sentimental feelings are contrary to human nature, and union to the grave is an anomalous behavior.
After observing his patients for many years, the psychologist has come up with an ideal formula for happiness.
While this may sound strange, men and women must change regular partners every five years to feel satisfied with life.
This is the absolute maximum for coexistence, he believes.
Although we feel at the beginning of our life together that we have found someone we want to spend our whole lives with and who will make us happy and fulfilling, love rarely lasts forever.
Couple relationships
© Nunawwoofy/Getty Images Pro
The author notes that so far, at the cultural level, the idea of monogamy worked only because men owned women. Moreover, it is men who are most likely to cheat, while women maintain marital fidelity.
Men remain hunters with a strong instinct to conquer other females. In turn, women need safety, and once they find the right man, they stop thinking about anyone else.
In this sense, according to the psychologist, the relationship is based on the principle of “master and slave”. While women may not be happy with everything about a relationship, they prefer to stay with a couple they know. They're afraid to meet a new partner and start all over again. On the contrary, men are adventurous and happy to take on new challenges.
Everything has changed in the modern world, love has changed, and it's time to get used to the new rules.
Rafael Santandreu calls for:
Stop brainwashing children about fairy tales “and they lived happily ever after” and forget the mantra “until death do you part”. Theory is different from practice. Love is incompatible with eternity, because moving in the same direction for decades is not only difficult, but also almost impossible.
In addition, the “five-year plan” will practically save you from toxic feelings, such as jealousy. Learn to be happy here and now, not for the future. Get out of a relationship that brings grief and pain. This way you will get rid of many complexes and empty hopes.
We need a couple because of the great fear of loneliness that we have been instilled in since childhood.
The most logical and healthy way out in this situation is to try to overcome this fear and start a more sincere relationship. If love goes out, don't hold on to it for fear of being alone. You just have to let go.
Relationships don't have to be comfortable, they should touch our feelings. This is why a psychologist believes that love dies in five years and relationships (not friendships) must end.
According to Santandreu, lifelong monogamy generates jealousy and unnatural demands on oneself, such as staying true even when the body requires the opposite.
He believes that there is no need to give up oneself, and this is not selfishness, but a conscious approach. A person can't always meet monogamous expectations, and you shouldn't torture yourself if you can't stay faithful.
Finally, the psychologist recommends the five-year relationship method because it helps you get over a breakup more easily. That way, when love ends, you won't drown because you lost everything you had because you didn't build your life around one person. You'll be independent and love yourself much more, says Santandreu.
© Stock-eye/Getty Images Pro
Of course, the idea of changing your partner every five years will not be well received by everyone. Deep down, many of us understand that polygamy is not right after all. In fact, we all want a happy relationship with one person, with whom we will start a family and be sure that he will always be there for him.
Many criticize the author's position, arguing that in addition to intimacy, other things, such as emotional intimacy, are important in relationships. If our senses are not based solely on physical attraction, we can achieve happiness with one person for life. There are aspects in the union of two people that are higher than material ones, and this is what helps the couple to unite and the relationship lasts for many years.
At the end of the day, everyone decides whether to stay with their partner until they die or change them every five years. However, you should be careful about the feelings of people who love us, and before taking any step, take into account the opinion of our partner, since a relationship is always two, not one person.